Sunday, August 12, 2012

My Fist, Meet Liam Gallagher's Smug Mouth

I'm sitting here on the couch getting some work done while half watching the Olympic Closing Ceremonies/Rock Concert/Old Pop Star Flashback Night and I am thoroughly enjoying myself. And then it happens. I hear the first notes of one of the most irritating melodies ever written. I close my eyes to try and shut it out. Wish it away. But it's coming. Which means he's coming. And here we are.

I loathe four songs. Cameo's Word Up, 4 Non Blondes What's Up and Back to the Hotel by N2Deep, but the winner of song, band and lead singer that I loathe most is Wonderwall by Oasis, sung by the always acerbic and asinine Liam Gallagher. He begins singing and my ears begin to bleed. Liam Gallagher warbles and whines through Wonderwall and I fight back the urge to throw my laptop at the telly.

There is something about his whiny, nasal, entitled asshole voice that make me angry. Like raging, fists clenched angry. It's this overplayed phony little song, but it's this greasy pasty Beatles knock-off ponce that makes me want to punch him in his smug mouth. He threatened to sue his own brother. He has loads of impressive things to say about other people. And even he doesn't like Oasis. Gag. So I hate Liam Gallagher.

Now, here come the Spice Girls, totally overrated, but they don't make me angry like Liam. And then it's over as quickly as it began. My rage subsides, I stop wishing Liam would accidentally fall off the side of the stage. I've survived and now I can sit back for a little Monty Python and some ELO. British people I can appreciate. Please return to your regularly scheduled programming and think of me giving Liam a fat lip next time you have to suffer through Wonderwall.


Anonymous said...

That song IS super whiny!

I notice you have "unknown" as the author of your "bravely obey" quote -- it's by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

EvalinaMaria said...

Well, Brian May was amazing! I love Queen, I had tears rolling the whole time...

McMillan said...

so, maybe it's because I'm enough younger that Oasis was SUPER HUGE MEGA in my life as an 8th grader, but (What's the Story) Morning Glory is one of my top five favorite albums of all time and I love all of the songs on it... but Liam Gallagher HIMSELF can leap off a cliff for all I care; I have no need to see any of this live. My most loathed song of all time is The Greatest Love of All by Whitney. And I'm currently struggling with Somebody That I Used to Know, but it's too ... true life ... right now.