I'm too busy tonight walking the dogs, and doing the laundries, and making guacamole and attending a very exciting client event replete politicians (if only I could write about it, picture my fake grin applied here) to write anything of substance for you. I would apologize, but it would be insincere. Because I like doing all that other stuff too.
Instead I thought I would quickly regale you with the creepiest thing that has ever happened to me at the library. Other than that one time in high school when a homeless gentleman sat very close to me in a very small study space and then peed his pants a little bit while sitting there. At least, I think he did. I didn't ask him if he'd peed his pants, (kind of awkward, no?) yet the smell and wet seat indicated someone had an accident. But I digress. Here is the icky thing that happened on Monday.
I went to the library to return some books and pick up my hold books. This happens weekly. I am a fixture. The librarians know me. If not by name, at least by frequent interaction, and I like to think by my shockingly respectful lack of late fees. I pick up my hold books, then browse the aisles a bit, looking for something to tickle my fancy. I come around the corner, done with the window shopping ready to check out, and walk past the computer area. All of the computers are full. As usual, the free computers and internet access are hot commodities. I glance at one gentleman sitting at the last computer, watching people walk by. He is smiling at me as a walk past. I glance at him and look for an additional second because he looks like an employee I had the displeasure of firing a few years ago. It is not him though. That employee had two gold teeth in place of his two front teeth, hard to miss, this guy doesn't have that glittery mouth. So awkward meeting averted,I politely smile, walk past, and check out my books at the desk. This all happens within about 5-10 seconds. I put on my sunglasses, head out to my car, and proceed to drive home. Then the creepy occurs.
Not two minutes later, as I sit in my car waiting to make the turn toward home, windows down, rocking out to something on my iPhone, I hear this, "Hey, girl, hey, hey!" I slowly look over and see the non-gold tooth library man leering at me from his car. I give a mild questioning look and he says "Hey, there. Girl. I saw you at the libary. (insert second creepy leer, paired with eyebrow waggle) You single, girl?" After a brief two seconds of confusion, (because who talks to strangers from their car unless their gas cover is open?) I quickly rolled up my window, emphatically shook my head NO, and then pulled my car forward as far as possible without getting into a minor accident.
Now, I'm sure this guy was harmless. I'm sure he just happened to leave the "libary" at the same time as I did, and just happened to be driving down the same street as I was. But the brief thought that he might have followed me out of the "libary" and then thought that he could hit on me from his car, and that I might find this delightful, just creeped me out and kind of insulted me. Really? Do I give off the vibe of grungy "libary" hook up? I think not. Even if I wasn't married, I'm pretty sure I would never find myself out trolling the "libary" with a big stack of books in my hand, looking for a man who clearly doesn't own his own computer, probably doesn't read many books, or even properly pronounce the name of one of my favorite places in the world. So no, creepy library man, I'm not single. I'm not interested. And you are missing a very important R in that word. Now say it right, stop hitting on girls from your dirty Bronco and go pick up a book instead.