Friday, December 26, 2014

Things I've learned after being a mom for two whole weeks:

My nine year old son is adorable and reserved, and some days just watching him sleep is enough to make me cry.

We need more cups with lids.  

I feel like I've known him forever and he absolutely belongs in our family.

And then I'll suddenly be reminded of how much of his day to day life up until now we know very little about. We know the big stuff, but the little stuff we don't. Like what movies has he seen? What was his favorite toy as a toddler?

Not all kids see the beauty in taking apart Legos after they've already been put together.

He is an expert eye roller, button pusher, negotiator and video game trash talker. Like most nine year olds.

He and our Scottie dog Mac were instant best friends.

He has such a generous and kind heart, plus the sass and blatant disregard for what we are asking him to do at any given moment.

I've colored and drawn more in the last few days than in years. I've loved it as much as he has.

My level of exhaustion is something I only vaguely remember from pulling a couple of all nighters in college, only minus the three hour nap the next day, and make that several all nighters in a row. And he's not even a newborn.

Boys burp and fart with abandon and find each of these activities as funny as I find David Sedaris.

The constant alertness and wariness and watching him and making sure he's safe and clean and being smart and not eating his egg drop soup like an angry wombat is something that you just don't completely get until you're a parent. You think you do, you don't.

Christmas is so much louder, earlier, gigglier, and more magical than before. Seeing my kid's face light up talking about Santa was the best. But I did miss a little napping and reading this year.

Sharing our kid with our extended family has been such a joy. Watching Xavier click with his uncles and cousins and hug his three grandmas, high five his two grandpas, it made me smile wide every time. Ok, I cried some too. I'm a wuss.
The love I have for him is intense and overwhelming sometimes, and then it's often immediately followed by simmering frustration or unbridled bafflement. But the love itself never goes anywhere. It's there, helping you tamp down the desire to scream "Stop being such an asshole!" at your long eyelashed, dimpled kiddo smiling with mischievous glee.

I want so much for him in his life. And thinking farther ahead than just a few weeks or months is more than I can handle right now.

Watching my husband be a dad is the best. He's firm and gentle and so warm with him. It makes me love him more than I can say. And believe me, I already had a serious thing for the guy.

Our family is so new. So fragile, and yet I think it is built with three stubborn, strong, bright, independent, and most of all, loving people. 

And this kid is the toughest, most amazing little person. I feel like our biggest job as parents is going to be helping him shed the behaviors that have been important to his survival in the past, but will get in the way of his happy future. And I think the three of us can do it together. With the loving support and encouragement of our family and friends. I feel like we're all going to need pretty sturdy helmets for the ride ahead. But what an exciting long ride it's going to be! I'm so glad he's ours. And I'm so proud to be Xavier's mom.