A Good Cry

I don't know about you, but for me, about every six months I need a really good cry. I'm talking ugly, sobbing, heaving, can't catch your breath, puffy eyed, feverish exhausting crying. I don't consider myself a big crier. I'm usually embarrassed to cry in front of other people, frankly even my husband. Though he is exactly who I need afterward. But I need to ugly cry alone. Usually laying horizontally across the bed with my face shoved in a pillow. And today since I knew it was coming, I wisely removed my eye make up before the typhoon hit.

Crying makes me feel exposed and dramatic and weak. And those aren't bad things, just things I'm not particularly comfortable feeling in front of people. Because I'm supposed to be strong, capable and supportive for other people (in my own over-functioning head.) Feeling weak, needing help, seeking release, out of control, where does all that go? Well, it turns into tears and snot and runs down my face. And so the every six months cry, usually precipitated by a big event, I let it loose. The flood gates open, the snot pours, I sound like a six year old who got put in timeout.

But I feel better, lighter, emptied afterward. I see more clearly. Granted the crying is quickly followed by a lot of talking and processing of emotions, but one can't happen without the other for me. I'm always grateful to whatever event, even if it's awful, because it moved me to tears, because it's as if I've gotten permission to cry about every other problem, sadness or complaint from the last few months. Thoughts fly through my head and each little grief gets its own moment. And no, I'm not crying all day, its quality not quantity. So if you haven't cried in awhile, I highly recommend it.

I may write more about the big news that precipitated today's cry, but it's not really my news, it's a family member's health issue and for privacy reasons this may not be the appropriate place to discuss it. But my family and I have lots of supportive friends and loved ones, so we'll make it through everything just fine.