"I think I've diagnosed myself with "adult malaise." Causes include mortgage payments, too few vacation days, too many spreadsheets, not enough tropical drinks with umbrellas and the realization that I'm closer to 40 than 30. Side effects include whining, excessive overuse of the word "blah" and repetitive listening to both Kings of Sad Bastard Music: Mr. Morrissey and Mr. Oberst."
So I undertook some serious research to find a potential cure for my own adult malaise illness and came up with a varied list of potential treatments. This is just in the hypothesis and active research phase, so consult your doctor before attempting these remedies. They may or may not be effective for your condition, particularly if you're lactose intolerant. Used singularly or in combination, they have proven effective for me to date, with little relapse:
- Eating pizza and cheese bread sitting on the floor with the box open in front of me and no plate and no calorie counting.
- Sitting on the deck while drinking a huge iced coffee until the mosquitoes came out and started feasting on my sweet fleshy arms.
- Reading amusingly witty YA fiction and feeling 16 again, albeit it briefly.
- Planning two vacations, one long weekend to Chicago in the summer and one full week on the coast of Maine in the fall.
- Dreaming of cottages on the ocean, lobster boats, long walks and maybe even some kayaking, and certainly plenty of reading, cooking and lounging.
- No chores.
- No phone calls with energy demons, otherwise known as anyone "high maintenance" or anyone who talks 95% more than they listen.
- No adult decisions beyond which cottage do we want and can we handle a double bed versus a queen for a week.
- Then the viewing of the movie Young Adult, which reinforced all the reasons that I am a mature adult 95% of the time. All the reasons. (And it was an awful, awful movie, so avoid it at all costs. I hated most of it and I'm not sure why we finished it, if maybe only to see Charlize Theron's character receive her long overdue comeuppance, which she never did. Bummer.)
What works for you? Bourbon? St. John's Wort? Some guy named John whose last name you never found out? Videos of corgi puppies climbing down stairs?