This week has been just as hectic as last week, in fact almost more so since I had 2 to 4 meetings everyday plus my regular projects, and yet somehow that little old lady and her walker cane and her very patient son continue to hang around in my brain. Taking their tiny measured steps and sharing some French Onion soup or something, I don't know what they are doing in there in my brain, but they are waiting for me and reminding me daily to breathe and calm myself, and shut down that internal trash talk. I've slowed down. I've been less urgent about everything. I've still accomplished what I've needed to, but I can breathe. I've been more pleasant to be around, I think. Maybe ask my co-workers and husband about that part. But I feel a difference. I feel less of a sense of impending doom. I've also worked out more, which I'm sure has helped. I've liked my job better this week. But I still have some work to do. I'm craving a wide swath of unplanned, unfilled time, but instead Joe and I have managed to fill up nearly every section of our weekend, or at least large chucks of it. So I'll see if I can squeeze some of that in here before Monday. Just a few hours spent in pajamas and messy hair can be powerfully rejuvenating. I think it's the messy hair that helps.
On another note, I would love to regale you with tales of my complete turn around as a ragey, high blood pressured foul mouthed driver, but those would be lies. I still called people mean and silly names this week, (somehow I called someone a "dickshit" yesterday.) I don't know where it came from, I think it was going to be "dickhead" for a guy, and then I realized it was a woman just too late, I like to be gender specific on occasion when cursing bad drivers, and then it turned into "dickshit." Which is just gross and an odd combination that I hope to never use again. Except I keep saying it in my head, off and on all day because it's so stupid. Anyway, I've made zero effort to fix this character flaw so I think I'll start with trying to save the cursing for the really heinously awful drivers. I'm impatient and often irritated, but I can train myself to be slower to lose my shit and curse at people. I don't mean that I want to speak in some slowed down lethargic way, like making "motherf&cker" take a minute to come out of my mouth, but I'm going to try to give people more of a benefit of the doubt before immediately calling them a "dumb ass" for turning in front of me and then slowing down. How's your weekend going so far, moron? Oops, I'm sorry I just got carried away with all that cursing in the car talk. How's your weekend going, friend?