I've written a few times about my battle with my weight here. Probably more times than you've actually wanted to read, but this is a great place to vent and complain and get good feedback. I received some lovely and supportive comments from healthy, active women last month when I wrote about my weight battle around the Reverb 10 prompts. Over Christmas, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law kindly passed on a photo they had found of me at my highest weight. To say it was unflattering is an understatement. And I felt two things as I looked at this version of myself from seven years ago, proud that I've lost so much weight since then and hopeful that if I did it then and kept it off, I could do it again. I put that photo on my fridge for about a week. I looked at it everyday, and then just over the weekend I threw that away. I threw her away, because it hurt me to look at it and I'm ready to move on to the next step.
After taking a month to just think about it and a couple of deep conversations with good friends, I've decided to stop calling this whole thing a battle. Partly based on that feedback and partly based on my own frustration and anger around this struggle and my perceived failures. The word "battle" sounds so adversarial. Who am I trying to battle? Just myself. And does warring against yourself sound particularly healthy? Nope. I'm trying to change the way I talk to myself about this. So combined with changing the voice in my head, I need some more help. I can't just try to eat better and work out. My deepest happiest inclination is to eat buttery, fattening, sugary, carbliscious things and only a salad when I crave it, lay around and read books and watch fabulous movies. And that's not good or balanced. So for my health I need to actively focus on weight loss. Hoping to start a family, I need to be in better shape. So I've signed up for something that I think will be a big help. And it's not a battle. The National Body Challenge!
I'm going with small, focused, controlled goals and I'm joining a community for support. So I'll keep you posted about how it's going. I'm going to take some before and after photos, track my measurements and weight, which I refuse to share publicly (I'm too vain for that,) but I'll let you know how this challenge works for me. It's run by the Discovery Channel and has a lot of recipes, work out ideas and expert feedback. It's probably a lot like many other diets, but it's free and there are thousands of other people signed up. Other people just like me, some thinner and fitter, some heavier and more out of shape, but I feel better just knowing that there are a lot of other people trying to get focused, trying to make better decisions and trying to treat themselves with the respect and care that they deserve.
So I have two reasonable goals for the 8 week challenge:
1. Lose 16 pounds. That's 2 pounds a week. I think I can beat that, but my doctor has said that 2 pounds is reasonable and easier to maintain.
2. Work out at least 45 minutes, 5 days a week. And I'm setting up an exercise chart with STICKERS!!! and rewards at the end.
If I reach these two goals then I'm treating myself to a massage. Ah, a massage. I feel more relaxed and melty just thinking about it. Cross your fingers for me. And if anyone wants to join the fun, just let me know, we could have our own little Body Challenge Club, the more the merrier!