A few months ago I was digging around in a stack of old papers, really just a pile of notes, photos, old goodies. I have, scattered throughout our house, these stashes. Little boxes, piles and notebooks full of things I want to keep, but don't really know what to do with. An old three ring binder full of creative writing from high school and early college, writing that's amusing, immature and makes me smile just thinking about it. So earnest and certain that I had something to share and some insight into a world that I'd only been in for seventeen years. Then some so self righteous is hurts to read. A poem about abortion bumper stickers, a poem about rocks, I should never write poetry. Ever. In fact, I promise not to from here on out, even if I see a very inspiring rock. But I can't part with those things.
So back to my point, I was digging through this jumble of college lined loose leaf paper covered in swirly teenage cursive, when I stumbled across a true find: my 1992/1993 Things to do Before I Die list. I had completely forgotten about this earlier creation. In rounded, purple script I diligently listed every romantic notion I'd ever read in the historical romance novels I stole from my mother's closet. Every movie, every cool older cousin or rock star who inspired me helped me compile my list. Buy long gloves, wear hats, grow out my hair, skinny dip, kiss strangers, travel. I think I was plotting out my future and I wanted it to be moderately epic, with the trappings of drama and art and a little bit of chaos, trying on lots of different personas, figuring out exactly who I wanted to be. Which is what you're supposed to do when you're young. Underneath those romantic teenage notions and fantasies, the core of who I am is still hiding in there. There are some shockingly similar themes to my current list actually. So I give you the 1992 Bravely Obey In Action: Teenage Edition:
Oh, 17 years old and so young. What's with all the hats and floral pillows and long hair and flamboyant dresses? I have no idea. I think I thought I was going to grow up and live in A Room with a View. It's not the most original list in the world, but it was mine and I've actually managed to do most of these tasks, without even thinking about it. They sort of seeped in and became things I liked and wanted, without needing a list to check. And life shouldn't need a list. It should be full and abundant and challenging without having to be consulted constantly. But the list is a good reminder and a focus point and a way of keeping things vibrant and full despite the four loads of laundry I need to get to. I think 17 year old Kassie would be pretty happy with how things are turning out. So I guess the persona I ended choosing was me.