I've been keeping a list lately. It's been growing. Here are a few of the things that perplex me:
1. Adult drivers, usually women and with no visible children or grandchildren in the car, who travel with stuffed animals filling their back windshield. Usually a Buick or other large older sedan, collections tend to include Beanie Babies, Pooh characters and Care Bears. Often car is affixed with cat or dog friendly bumper stickers. "I heart my Yorkie." or "You say "cat lady" like it's a bad thing!"
2. People who wear shorts or flip flops when the weather is decidedly cold. I don't mean 60. I mean below 45.
3. People who let their children touch everything they see. Pick up, throw, fondle, lay their wet snot covered sippy cup right on my white, crisp table cloths so their hands are free to throw my jewelry. And then those same parents look at me with anger when I ask their children to not touch my belongings. You are parenting at an art/craft show, this kind of thing is not unexpected. Come on.
4. Older (60+) women with large, natural breasts who do not wear bras in public. How is that comfortable, ma'am? And no, that large Halloween sweatshirt doesn't camouflage them.
5. Angry, judgmental political bumper stickers. Because, of course, the back of your car is the place I go to for information when making a difficult decision. The ideal place for a reasoned and informed ethical discussion, the back of your 1994 Tempo.
6. People who don't rake or at least mow their leaves in the fall. This is the perfect opportunity to let peer pressure do it's job. All your neighbors have raked and mowed, all the cool kids are doing it, why don't you try it? Everyone will like you if you do it.
7. Doctors with abrasive and supremely dry bedside manners. Yes, we know you are intelligent, dedicated, attended several prestigious schools, spent hundreds of thousands of dollars and hours reaching this point in your career, but if you can't answer my questions, speak to me politely and without condescension then you just aren't doing your job. You should develop your communication skills like you do your
laparotomy technique, because your lack of respect is apparent and demeaning. Plus it makes it more likely that you'll be sued for malpractice if you ever make a mistake. (Thanks, Malcom Gladwell!)
9. Why my dog won't go outside when I try to put him out, but the minute I sit down to check my email he scratches on the door.
10. The fact that all chick lit books seem to have some kind of high-heeled shoe on the cover. This is the only way you feel you can market your book to the ladies? Shoes, dresses, pink or something floral? This actually doesn't perplex me it just makes me sad, and much less likely to buy/check out/read your novel.
What perplexes you? 'Cause I know I've forgotten something...