Outing Myself, Oh the Humiliation!

Ok, so ever since I started writing more frequently on this blog I've thought about writing on this particular topic. This topic runs my life, has run my life since I was fourteen and it also couldn't be more boring or more personal. Great combination, right? I'm talking about my weight problem. I need to lose weight. And not the vanity 10 pounds that so many women struggle with, riding up and down the scale. I'm talking double-digit-not-ready-to-mention-amounts-publicly weight loss. But if you've seen me in say, the last twenty years, you know I've got a battle ahead of me.

Two things trip me up in my constant weight loss struggle - cookies and french fries. Actually, I eat too much of the wrong things and I don't exercise enough. Shocking! So in the last three years I've lost a good solid amount of weight. Yeah, me! But I've slipped out of some of my good habits, let some of that weight creep back on and I still have a lot I need to lose.  I want to lose weight for several reasons: purely for my own health - I'm getting older, don't want to turn into one of those sad folks who need to be removed from their homes with a crane, and I would like to avoid getting and then losing my feet and eyesight to the fat lady diabetes. Vanity and fashion - I'd like to shop at any women's clothing store I feel like instead of being shuffled into the plus size section, which is only half as stylish as every other section, and I'm young so I don't want to dress in a poncho and comfy pants yet. I have been told on numerous occasions by kind and well meaning people that, "You have such a beautiful face." Great, I like the compliment, but I don't like the implication that from below the neck I resemble Jaba the Hut in boot cut jeans. And finally I would like to become a mother. I know you can get pregnant and be overweight, but I don't want to. I don't want to pass on my own bad habits and self deprecating comedic avoidance of this topic on to a child, especially a girl child, so I have to tackle these issues first for myself.

I cannot believe I'm writing about this publicly, ugh. Anyway, back to the reasons that I am torturing my pride by writing about this. I need some help. I need to keep my focus, I need to motivate myself, especially around the holidays, and I need to get my ass in gear. So I'm not turning this blog into a weight loss blog entirely, I hate those, but I am going to make a point to track my successes and failures more publicly. I'm holding myself accountable. So if you hate this kind of thing, just skip those posts. But if you could give me a little support I think I might be more successful with this "project" than I have been in the past. I think part of the problem is that I'm focusing on having to change every aspect of my life in one huge undertaking and that never works. I'm entirely too much of a black and white thinker for my own good. So I'm starting with little baby steps. More exercise, 3 to 4 times a week and increase from there. More fruits and veggies and less delicious cookies, maybe thinking about some South Beach/Atkins hybrid after the holidays, just to cut my adorable addiction to white flour and sugar based carbs, really the best of all carbs. So let me humiliate, shame and detail my struggles, praise my successes, and keep reading, share your own struggles if you dare and help me kick my ass when I need it. If you need to slap that cookie out of my hand, go right ahead, I give you permission. My ass thanks you and I thank you.